February 21, 2008.
A matter of days ago, I discovered a dark secret. Nintendo plans to end all sentient life in the universe. Just look at this image from the Wii’s calendar.
In blue, I’ve circled the end date of our world. In red, I’ve circled the remaining dates on which Nintendo destroys all life in space. These last five days on the calendar are not accessible on the Wii’s message board, thus proving this article true. This is because blowing up our planet would also obliterate video game consoles.
When asked about the issue, scientist Gordon Freeman had this to say. “They are using the energy of the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection to power a destructive spaceship. The ship can travel at 1,000 light years per hour. After the craft is powered up, it can last for seven days. Then it will explode. I know this because I built it.” Gordon Freeman disappeared one day after I contacted him. His information is just as credible as this article. Don’t believe a word of it.